1000 English Funny Jokes || english jokes 2024
A joke is a brief narrative or an account of an amusing incident, often with a punch line, that is told to provoke laughter or divert attention. Jokes can be based on wordplay, humorously exaggerated situations, or can simply be statements that are meant to be taken as humorous. Jokes are a common form of entertainment and are often told in social settings such as parties, at gatherings, or online.You can find savage jokes in English as English language add some kind of feel to the jokes. Do you also love to read and share english funny jokes? Then your search ends here. Don't look further for the same here and there. Jokes can be reason for your hook with someone, it can help you start with someone. You can even
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- A boy asks his father
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,”
the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” - sounds better
Instead of “the John,” I call my toilet “the Jim.”
That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning. - paying attention
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him,
“If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says,
“Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream,
one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”
The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”
Johnny says,
“No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!” - jewelry store
Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.” - 2 cats
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!” - tissue dance
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it. - getting tired
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”
- dancer except for two things
Dancer Except For Two Things joke Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet. - husband breaks a glass
Wife: Break everything. Break all these bottles…
break the kitchen… break the house…
just break everything!
And when wife breaks a glass.
Wife: Who kept this glass here? - young boy came home
A young boy came home from school and told his mother,
“I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy.” The mother asked, “What did you do?”
The boy replied, “I hit him with my purse!” - black and white
What’s black and white and goes around and around?
A penguin in a revolving door. - dude before marrying
Santa: I was a dude before marrying.
Banta: And what are you now?
Santa: Now I’m subdued!…………………..
Before Marrying husband wife joke - cats bad storytellers
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale. - grocery store
I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”
- addicted to soap
I used to be addicted to soap.
But I’m clean now.soap Hilarious Jokes 2023 - another year to think
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?
Well, I don’t know, – she answers,
BF-OK, that I give you another year to think about it… - corner of a room
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.
- bagel
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain bagel. - call a bee
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe. - computers eat
Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!
