comedy cj jokes
A guy searching these keywords
on google: how to tackle a wife. Google
search result: good morning, sir… Even we
are searching..
2 Lovers plan suicide. Boy jumps, Girl closes her eyes
and returns saying love is blind. Boy opens
his parachute saying love never dies.
A man approaches a woman sitting at a bar.
Man: Hi, honey, want a little company? Woman: Why, Do you have one to sell?
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
A person who SURRENDERS
when not SURE is WISE. A person who surrenders even if he is RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.
A boy goes to see a cabare dance.
His mom gets angry & asks: Did u see anything
there that u were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
A chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital
to deliver and she gave birth to a black baby.
So he named the child: SOM TIN WONG
A man meets a friend after a long time and notices he is wearing an earring.
When did you start wearing earrings? Friend: ever since my wife found one in my car
A man on wifes birthday had no money so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
Wife: Thanks for the cheque I got it cashed from the bank manager.
A man yells over phone: My wife is having labour pains. Doctor: Is this
her first child? Man: No, this is her husband.
funny cj jokes
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
hilarious cj jokes
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
clean cj jokes
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor’s office?
He was feeling crummy.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Why do bowling pins have such a hard life?
They’re always getting knocked down.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
good cj jokes
Why can’t you trust zookeepers?
They love cheetahs.
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
Moo-vies.
Why couldn’t the duck pay for dinner?
Her bill was too big.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
What did Jack say to Jill after they rolled down the hill?
I think I spilled the water.
Why are ghosts such bad liars?
You can see right through them.
Where were pencils invented?
PENCIL-vania.
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can’t break the ice.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A BUCK-aneer.
husband wife cj jokes
I don’t really mind sleeping on the couch.
It’s like living my childhood fantasies about the
Wild West – including the angry mama bear nearby.
My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife
asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up
to some action in the bedroom again. I brought home diet pills.
Apparently very much not what she meant.
I got all sentimental when I saw my husband looking at our marriage
certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?” “Yes dear, it’s already dark out
Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? – A trip to Thailand? – Wow, that’s awesome,
and for our 50th anniversary? – Then I pick you up again.
dad cj jokes
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sofishticated.
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?” “You follow the fresh prints.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.
I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?” “In case they get a hole in one!
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?” “They’re both Paris sites.
girly cj jokes
Do I know you? ‘Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend/girlfriend material?
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
