1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 latest

Looking for the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Discover our 1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 collection, featuring the latest, most hilarious jokes that will leave you laughing out loud. Whether you love short jokes, one-liners, or silly puns, we’ve got you covered with fresh, shareable content. Perfect for WhatsApp, Instagram captions, and making your friends smile!

Funny Joke 2025 latest || lws jokes

Looking for the funniest joke of 2025? Get ready to laugh out loud with our latest collection of hilarious memes, funny pictures, and viral joke . Whether you love witty one-liners, relatable humor, or goofy cartoons, we have something for everyone!

In today’s digital world, laughter is just a click away! Funny joke are a great way to brighten your day and share joy with friends and family. Our 2025 collection features trending memes, witty captions, and creative illustrations that will leave you in splits. Whether it's a hilarious take on everyday life, work-from-home struggles, relationship humor, or just silly puns, our latest will keep you entertained.

Why Are Joke So Popular?

In today’s fast-paced world, laughter is the best stress-buster. Funny , memes, and joke illustrations spread joy instantly, making them perfect for sharing on social media or with loved ones. Our 2025 joke image collection includes:

Work-from-home struggles – Because Zoom meetings are never as productive as they seem! 😆
Relationship humor – The everyday battles of couples, perfectly captured in hilarious memes.
Tech & social media jokes – From AI fails to viral trends, we bring the funniest takes on digital life.
Silly puns & dad jokes – Because sometimes, the cheesiest jokes are the funniest! 🧀
Relatable daily life humor – Whether it’s Monday blues, shopping fails, or diet struggles, we’ve got you covered.

What Makes Our 2025 Joke Special?

High-quality, creative designs – Our joke aren’t just funny; they’re visually appealing and share-worthy.
Fresh & updated content – We keep up with the latest internet trends to bring you new and trending memes.
Perfect for social sharing – Whether you want to post on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, our joke are perfect for every platform.
A laugh for everyone – From witty intellectual humor to lighthearted fun, our collection caters to all age groups and tastes.

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

dirty jokes

Two buddies were sharing

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. "Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see, kinky, huh?" "Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

dirty jokes

My friend was planning to get a Labrador. Is he mad?! Hasn’t he seen how many of their owners go blind?!”

stupid jokes

independent 75-year-old woman

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, hell, I can't throw that far!"

english jokes

Did you hear about the unfaithful espresso? It was grounds for divorce.

pun jokes

During a discussion

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

dirty jokes

a redhead

blonde jokes

Two bored casino dealers

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."

blonde jokes

my stuff

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

dad jokes

blondes girls were walking

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

blonde jokes

Do not be racist joke

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

short jokes

The bell rang

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?" Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."

dirty jokes

Maria went home

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

dirty jokes

Irish wedding

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk Irishman.

short jokes

A blonde woman decides

A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."

blonde jokes

tiny village

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

dirty jokes

cups avoid the city

Why do coffee cups avoid the city? They're afraid to get mugged.

pun jokes

preparing wedding cards

Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers. Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing . The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant. Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, 'Vait! I remember. I remember - RSVP. It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present."'

english jokes

pick their nose

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine

dad jokes

A blind guy

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."

blonde jokes

fucking racist

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you fucking racist.

short jokes

fitted years ago

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since

dad jokes

the economy class

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy." "You can't make me move." The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it. The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."

blonde jokes

A blonde goes to a soda

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?

blonde jokes

call a factory

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory

dad jokes

dog used to chase people

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away

english jokes

husband came home an hour late

Q: What did the cannibal’s wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner? A: She gave him the cold shoulder. 😋😋

english jokes

Jews walked

Two Jews walked into a bar. It was busy. So they bought it.

short jokes

go for movie

Santa: Let's go for movie. Banta: Shit, I've got a doctor's appointment today.. Santa: Just cancel it,Tell him you're sick 😋😋😋😁

english jokes

fish wearing

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated

dad jokes

mother's womb

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!"

dirty jokes

hundred dollar bill

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

english jokes

robber sticks

A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!" When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"

short jokes

Don't be racist

Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

short jokes

Why are taking two tickets

Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets? Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me. Conductor: what if you lose both? Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!

english jokes

super hot chick

A super hot chick walks into her church and says to the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest says, "Tell me dear, what's on your mind?" "Well Father, I am a sex addict, and lately I discovered that I like doing it with priests. I had sex with the one from the church two blocks from here, the one five blocks from here, and also the one from the church nearby." The priest says, "It's okay, just pray three times a day for one week and it will all be okay." As the girl tries to go out, the priest says, "Oh, and dont forget that I will always be here for you!"

dirty jokes

job I can really

Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.

pun jokes

babies may be delivered

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

pun jokes

capital is growing

What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin

dad jokes

Waking up this

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

pun jokes

woman shot her husband

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant. “No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

english jokes

A blonde gets lost

A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."

blonde jokes

evil hens

What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.

pun jokes

25th wedding anniversary joke

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee. As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. When he saw me, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?”

english jokes

Santa is in Delhi

santa banta jokes in english

a Chinese girl joke

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629.

short jokes

I love math

I love math. And then sum.

pun jokes

pampered cow

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

dad jokes

elderly couple

There’s an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn’t part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, “Everytime one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine.’” A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, “Washing machine.” The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache. A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he’ll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively, “Washing machine.” Yet again, the wife turns him away. However, a few moments pass and the wife’s needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says, “Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand.”

dirty jokes

just finishing my make-up

Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up. You don’t need make-up, Jane. Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery. 😂😂😋😋

english jokes

My whole body

Brunette: "Where were you born?" Blonde: "The United States." Brunette: "Which part?" Blonde: "My whole body."

blonde jokes

What did the blonde say

What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"

blonde jokes

Santa goes into a bar

Santa goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.' 😋😋😋😁

english jokes

wife and daughter

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

dirty jokes

A blonde is watching

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

blonde jokes

Samoan climb

How did the Samoan climb the tree? He didn't. He scared the limbs out of it.

short jokes

sleep during nap

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest

dad jokes

garbage truck

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

dirty jokes

confuse a blonde

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

blonde jokes

blonde are walking

A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"

english jokes

grasp the concept

Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes? A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.

blonde jokes

Santa goes into a bar

Santa goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'

santa banta jokes in english

heart of the lion

My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

pun jokes

naked black woman

Q: What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman? A: One is on the cover of Playboy and the other is on the cover of National Geographic.

short jokes

Florida or the Sun

So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.

english jokes

blondes fell down

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

english jokes

letter from this lawyer

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore. 😜😜😜😜

english jokes

I get this intense

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye. - Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

english jokes

worth of used

What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.

dirty jokes

playing bridge

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

dirty jokes

husband so punctual

Lady 1: "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?" Lady 2: "I made a simple rule: sex will begin at 9pm sharp, whether he is there or not."

dirty jokes

ocean say

What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved

dad jokes

blonde runs

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

english jokes

thief hire

Why did the thief hire a maid to plan his vacation? He wanted a clean getaway.

pun jokes

concert only costs

What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

pun jokes

invented dancing

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?” - Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.” 😋😋😋😋

english jokes

A husband and wife

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

blonde jokes

cheap gifts

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

english jokes

Santa goes into a bar

Santa goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'

english jokes

good at sleeping

"I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

dad jokes

blonde who dyes

How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.

blonde jokes

master of fast

“I am a master of fast calculations.” - “OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?” - “22!” - “Ha ha, that’s wrong!” - “Might be, but it was fast!”

stupid jokes

skeleton walks

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop

dad jokes

nothing special

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

dirty jokes

whats your number

Boy: Girl, whats your number? Girl: I have a boyfriend Boy: I have a math test Girl: What? Boy: Aren't we talking about things we cheat on?

english jokes

guy and his date

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex. After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.

dirty jokes

Malaysian plane

Q: Why was the Malaysian plane lost? A: Because an Asian was driving it!

short jokes

doctor's office

A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

blonde jokes

Glasgow

Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips

dirty jokes

young person with the short hair

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

english jokes

friend of mine

A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum

dirty jokes

I love math

I love math. And then sum.

pun jokes

Don't call me

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!

dad jokes

pig answered

A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."

blonde jokes

25 letters

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y

dad jokes

blonde to laugh

Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

blonde jokes

Can February

Can February March? No, but April May.

pun jokes

Santa reading newspaper

Santa reading newspaper.. News: "Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump" Santa comments: Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!! 😁😁🤣😁

english jokes

The Perfect Son joke

The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

english jokes

construction

I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it

dad jokes

A guy and girl

A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

dirty jokes

A dictator!

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!

dirty jokes

What do politicians and diapers

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? - A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

english jokes

two boys playing

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran

dirty jokes

Super hero jokes

Boy: I am a super hero, guess my name? Girl: Superman? Ironman? . . . . . . Boy: Watchman who saves owners lives.😁

teacher student jokes in english

camouflage pants

I wanted to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.

pun jokes

panties with flowers

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

dirty jokes

You know how it is in life

You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…” “Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

english jokes

have a good day

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!

dad jokes

example of Coincidence

Teacher:Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? Sunny:Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time. Teacher: How old is ur father. Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

english jokes

black men get killed

Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam? When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.

short jokes

husband after a day

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

dirty jokes

I’m trying

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” Patient: “I don’t understand, doc. Why?” Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

dirty jokes

restaurant on the moon

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.

pun jokes

Me and my wife

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

english jokes

closet in the nude

A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked. So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!"

dirty jokes

calling you

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

dirty jokes

song about burritos

I wrote a song about burritos. It's a rap

pun jokes

didn't know what

I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say so I used big words.

pun jokes

Santa falls in Love

Doctor Santa falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister…

english jokes

banana split

Where do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school

dad jokes

call them bagels

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels

dad jokes

sex with a Chinese woman

I had sex with a Chinese woman last night. It was great, but an hour later I was STILL horny!

short jokes

Google male or female

Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

english jokes

meet you at the corner

What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner.

dad jokes

Akbar joke

Teacher: Who was Akbar ? Boy: Akbar was Gay. Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that? Boy:- We have heard Laila – Majnu, Heer -Ranjha, Soni- Mahival, Romeo-Juliet But Only Akbar – Birbal !😁

teacher student jokes in english

devout

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

dirty jokes

bathroom shaving

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

dirty jokes

blonde put her

Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.

blonde jokes

blonde busy

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? A: Give her a piece of paper that has "Please turn over" written on both sides.

blonde jokes

had a dream

I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea

dad jokes

Fruit flies like a banana

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

pun jokes

a taser once

I had a taser once. It was stunning.

pun jokes

blonde really got tired

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

blonde jokes

bad news

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

stupid jokes

Harry prays to God

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

english jokes

kind of shady

I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady

dad jokes

a bit of tomato sauce

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

english jokes

finished a jigsaw

Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."

blonde jokes

days are numbered

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered

dad jokes

Girlfriend birthday joke

My girlfriend’s 🤷‍♀️birthday is in two days.And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.So I bought her nothing!😁😁😁✌

english jokes

blonde like lightening

Why did the blonde like lightening? She thought someone was taking a picture of her.

blonde jokes

during the act

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

dirty jokes

be a doctor

I want to be a doctor, but I don't have enough patience.

pun jokes

Forrest Gump’s

What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1

pun jokes

cross a Puerto

Q:What do you have when you cross a Puerto Rican and a Pollack? A: A graffiti artist who spray paints on chain linked fences.

short jokes

teenager

As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language

dirty jokes

finished a jigsaw

Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."

english jokes

scratch-and-sniff

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom of a pool.

blonde jokes

out of money

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

blonde jokes

A young woman

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

dirty jokes

The women need

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

blonde jokes

telling Dad

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

dad jokes

blonde watching a TV

A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to the blonde. The blonde says, "I've seen it too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

blonde jokes

they're sick

Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc

dad jokes

she was pregnant

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.

blonde jokes

an extra pair

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one

dad jokes

the newscaster

english jokes

Deviled eggs

What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.

pun jokes

Mexican fire chief

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Hose A and Hose B!

short jokes

call an elephant

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

dad jokes

beverage

Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? Guys, we can't do it. Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each other

dirty jokes

Santa returns

Santa returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father, 'Dad, today we had a spelling class. All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent.' Santa seemed content with the answer, asks his father another question, 'Dad, today we had Maths class. All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ?' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent,' replies his father. Happy with the answer, Santa poses another question to his father, 'Dad, today we had medical examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar ?' The father replies, 'No son, that's because you are 33 years old.'

santa banta jokes in english

saggy

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts.

dirty jokes

a great new drug

Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.” Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.”

english jokes

Why was six nervous

Why was six nervous? Because seven eight nine.

pun jokes

The blonde’s eyes widen

dad jokes

blonde jokes

I don't trust trees. They're shady.

pun jokes

preparing wedding cards

the bike stand up

Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two-tired.

pun jokes

white people running down

Q: What do you call white people running down a hill? A: An avalanche. Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A: A mudslide. Q: What do you call black people running down a hill? A: A jail break.

short jokes

still a virgin

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

dirty jokes

hard of hearing

santa banta jokes in english

brunette are watching

blonde jokes

Wife funny

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ? . Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ? . Wife: Can u fix the door handle ? . Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ? . . In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed. . Husband: Who did all this ? . Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss. . Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger. . Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ? 😅

husband wife jokes in english

neighbor's house

A blonde's neighbor's house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, "My neighbor's house is on fire!" The operator asked, "Where are you?" The blonde answered, "At my house." The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?" The blonde said, "In a firetruck, duh!"

blonde jokes

egg drive

What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen

dad jokes

The younger brother

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

dirty jokes

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