1000+ Funny Jokes 2025
Find the best jokes for your social media posts. Whether you're looking for funny, witty, or creative jokes, explore a variety of jokes for Instagram, Facebook, and more. Perfect for sharing some humor!
Long fairy tales
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
pun jokes
a restaurant
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
dirty jokes
whenever i beat you
Father to son: whenever i beat you, you don't get annoyed, how you control your anger? son: i start cleaning the toilet. seat with your toothbrush
english jokes
12 inches long
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
dad jokes
tiny village
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
dirty jokes
Penis and Balls
One night, Penis and Balls were sitting in a couch. Penis said to Balls, "We are going to a party. Balls said, "F*ck off, you always leave me knocking."
dirty jokes
romantic text message
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise
dirty jokes
Polish Navy
Why does the Polish Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the old Polish Navy.
short jokes
nothing special
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”
dirty jokes
Filipino contortionist
Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist? A: A Manila folder.
short jokes
Girlfriend birthday joke
My girlfriend’s 🤷♀️birthday is in two days.And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.So I bought her nothing!😁😁😁✌
english jokes
about the blonde
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
blonde jokes
sexual attraction
"Daddy, where did I come from?" seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" the mom asks. "Not really," the little girl says. "Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."
dirty jokes
fitted years ago
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since
dad jokes
I’m just so nervous
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. - Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
english jokes
teenager
As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language
dirty jokes
A husband and wife
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
blonde jokes
Two prostitutes
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."
dirty jokes
On hearing
On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
dirty jokes
hard of hearing
Santa, hard of hearing, realises that he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he feels unwilling to spend too much money. 'How much do they cost?' he asks Manbir, the shopkeeper. 'That depends,' says. Manbir, 'They run from £20 to £2,000.' 'Let's see the £20 model,' asks Santa. Manbir puts the device around Santa's neck instructing, 'You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.' 'How does it work?' Santa inquires. 'For only £20 it doesn't work," Manbir replies, 'But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!'
english jokes
my stuff
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
dad jokes
wife starts to sing
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on. 😋😋😋
english jokes
girl's college
Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."
dirty jokes
blonde busy
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? A: Give her a piece of paper that has "Please turn over" written on both sides.
blonde jokes
time-traveling joke
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it
dad jokes
Can February
Can February March? No, but April May.
pun jokes
English teacher
I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon
dirty jokes
babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
dirty jokes
good rope jokes
Know any good rope jokes? I'm a frayed knot.
pun jokes
friend of mine
A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum
dirty jokes
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