1000+ Funny Jokes 2025
Find the best jokes for your social media posts. Whether you're looking for funny, witty, or creative jokes, explore a variety of jokes for Instagram, Facebook, and more. Perfect for sharing some humor!
Sleep with an open window
Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
english jokes
bride tells her husband
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
dirty jokes
playing bridge
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
dirty jokes
A man and a woman
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
dirty jokes
organ donor
It takes guts to be an organ donor
dad jokes
porn magazine
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
dirty jokes
Welcome to Hell
Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Hell. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Hell, and the angel agrees. He gets to Hell and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere. He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a bitch when we were alive! Hell looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Hell says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine." The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom. The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion, and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Hell."
dirty jokes
sets of lips
Why do woman have two sets of lips? One set to tell you off with, and the other to make you forget you're mad!
dirty jokes
I would like to use
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?” Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?” Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”
english jokes
finished a jigsaw
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
english jokes
call an elephant
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
dad jokes
expensive car
My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends
pun jokes
A brunette
A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"
blonde jokes
sell curtains
Santa enters a shop that sell curtains. He announces to Gurdaya, the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of green curtains.' The salesman assures him that they had a large selection of green curtains. Gurdaya shows him several patterns, but Santa seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a smashing green floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he requires.
santa banta jokes in english
money being spent
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
dirty jokes
really mad
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
dad jokes
call a Mexican basketball
What do you call a Mexican basketball player? Mexi-cant.
short jokes
during the act
The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
dirty jokes
I love math
I love math. And then sum.
pun jokes
Making mirrors
Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
pun jokes
about the blonde
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
blonde jokes
whenever i beat you
Father to son: whenever i beat you, you don't get annoyed, how you control your anger? son: i start cleaning the toilet. seat with your toothbrush
english jokes
The blonde’s eyes widen
A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”
blonde jokes
fitted years ago
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since
dad jokes
I’m trying
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” Patient: “I don’t understand, doc. Why?” Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
dirty jokes
drug dealer
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
dad jokes
girl's college
Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."
dirty jokes
little boy caught
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch
dirty jokes
construction
I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it
dad jokes
a redhead
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
blonde jokes
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