1000+ Funny Jokes 2025
Find the best jokes for your social media posts. Whether you're looking for funny, witty, or creative jokes, explore a variety of jokes for Instagram, Facebook, and more. Perfect for sharing some humor!
iPad in a blender
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
blonde jokes
cunnilingus
When I was 11, my mum gave me a lecture about cunnilingus. I look back as an adult and I think, ‘Oh, she obviously wanted to empower me to find my own pleasure.’ It had the exact opposite effect – there is no way you can enjoy yourself with a man between your legs if you’re thinking, ‘Hmm, Mum’d be proud
dirty jokes
lady with big
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
dirty jokes
poor Santa Claus
What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less
dad jokes
piano by ear
I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands
dad jokes
The bell rang
The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?" Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."
dirty jokes
first day at school
Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
english jokes
girl in a bar
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He asks her, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
dirty jokes
shrinking my clothes
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along
dad jokes
Santa goes into a bar
Santa goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'
english jokes
Jews walked
Two Jews walked into a bar. It was busy. So they bought it.
short jokes
kind of shady
I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady
dad jokes
Babe What You Doing
Boyfriend: Babe What You Doing? Girlfriend: Nothing. Really Tired. Just Going To Sleep Now Honey. And You Sweetheart? Boyfriend: In The Club Standing Behind You
english jokes
the newscaster
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
english jokes
black men get killed
Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam? When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.
short jokes
hardened
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
dirty jokes
find a tiny Coke
Where can you go to find a tiny Coke? Mini-soda.
pun jokes
A young woman
A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."
dirty jokes
Florida or the Sun
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
blonde jokes
dog used to chase people
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
english jokes
broom get a poor
David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school? Dan: I don’t know. Why? David: Because it was always sweeping during class!
english jokes
holy water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
dad jokes
a mouthful
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
dirty jokes
sprinter eat
What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!
dad jokes
Nobody ever listens
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!
english jokes
I get divorced
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
dirty jokes
A guy was driving
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
blonde jokes
call someone
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows
dad jokes
they keep getting
Why don't pirates know the alphabet? Because they keep getting lost at C.
pun jokes
My wife suffers
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
english jokes
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