insult quotes status
one line insult quotes
You are proof that God has a sense of humour.
Wisdom eventually comes to all of us. Someday it might even be your turn.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
Never deprive someone of hope – it may be all they have.
A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults
There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
He doesn’t talk bollocks all the time: only when he’s awake.
He’s in an altered state of consciousness: he’s dead.
Is this seat free?
Yes. But if you sit down, this seat will also be free.
He’s a male chauvinistic piglet.
Ah, Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.
God must love stupid people, He made so many of them.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
The ignorant always seem so certain and the intelligent so uncertain.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
Don’t argue. Never deign to deny. Meet insults with laughter
He who laughs last has no sense of humour.
best insult quotes
I am not a figment of your collective diseased imagination.
You are as innocent as a new-fallen snow… on the highway.
Tell him I’ve been too fu@king busy – or vice versa.
I married beneath me. All women do.
I’d insult you, but you’re not bright enough to notice.
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Some think I wink at them when I shut my eyes to avoid their sight.
You know why you hate me so much, Jeffery? Because I look the way you feel.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
If I wanted to punish you, I’d hold up a mirror.
While there’s no ‘I’ in team, there’s also no ‘you’, okay? So back off.
Politicians who complain about the media are like sailors who complain about the sea.
Nothing in recent years, on television or anywhere else, has improved on a good story that begins “Once upon a time…”
It’s nice to be stupid, but it’s stupid to be nice.
Lucky for you, mirrors can’t laugh out loud.
I could dance with you until the cows come home… on second thoughts, I’ll dance with the cows and you go home.
Get your mind out of the gutter – it’s blocking my view.
funny insult quotes status
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn’t match the rest of you.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain.
I am fairly unrepentant about her poetry. I really think that three quarters of it is gibberish. However, I must crush down these thoughts, otherwise the dove of peace will shit on me.
Don’t ask me any questions, because I just might tell you the truth.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
I’ve seen better looking hair in a shower drain
Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.
Never mistake motion for action.
Stupidity is a personal achievement which transcends national boundaries.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
I hope life isn’t a big joke… because I don’t get it.
I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
“During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai E. Stevenson “”Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!””
The boss is like a nappy: always on your arse and full of shit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
I’d love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I’d love to go out with you, but I’m attending the opening of my garage door.
Why did God create men? She knew a vibrator couldn’t carry out the trash.
This isn’t right. This isn’t even wrong.
Don’t be humble, you’re not that great.
Your eyebrows are as verdantly forrested as the seeded woodworms of my most sombre dreams.
With the whole world full of fools, there is none who thinks himself one, or even suspects it.
The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Women who seek equality with men, lack ambition.
Even rabbits insult a dead lion.
insult quotes for fb
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.
If there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion.
Insult is powerful. Insult begets both rage and humor and often at the same time.
It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude.
Every great thinker is someone else’s moron.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed…
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
When you’re arguing with a fool, make sure he isn’t doing the same thing.
Opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one.
Hating something is too much work to do. What you want to do is ignore something. It is more effective.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.
Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.
one line insult quotes for insta
I like half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!
When you’re away, I’m restless, lonely, wretched, bored, dejected; only here’s the rub, my darling dear, I feel the same when you’re near.
He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
She wore too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.
I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
A real man can tell another man to keep an open mind, just after he shot him between the eyes.
You know you’re gonna have a bad day when you see the sun come up. Over the curb.
Life’s a Bitch, then you wake up.
Shaw writes plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he’s unknown throughout the world.
Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
A rose by any other name still has thorns.
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one’s head?
A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone’s teeth get cleaner?
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
self insult quotes
Please don’t interupt me when I’m ignoring you.
You, sir, are an oxygen thief.
He is known as an idiot savant, minus the savant.
The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.
Did you forget your brain in your mother’s womb?
Cause I’m pretty sure you did.
Allowing you to survive childbirth was medical malpractice.
The degree of your stupidity is enough to boil water.
I never insult any people I only tell them what they are.
You can’t control what other people say about you, but you can control how you respond.
Good day, this is your trashcan speaking.
My life’s purpose is to be a cautionary tale for others.
Yeah, I know. I hate me too.
“Today is not my day”, I mutter to myself every single day.
My teacher called me average. How mean!
Your stupidity is so high I would like to kill myself and to do that I would have to jump from your ego to your IQ.
I would love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as nature did.
insult quotes for gossipers
Nothing hurts a duck more than his beak.
If people talk behind your back then don’t get angry or depressed just give them 100 more reasons to talk.
They will always talk about you because when they talk about themselves nobody pays attention.
While they busy gossiping about you, hit the road move forward show them you don’t care.
You can’t un-tell somebody something.
Fastest ways of communication, telephone, television, tell-a-woman.
People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought
You seems to know me better when I’m not around you!!
Concentrate on fixing yourself rather than wasting time gossiping of others.
Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..
Talk less about people so that you can have more time to accomplish your bright future before they wake up.
