1000+ Funny Jokes 2025
Find the best jokes for your social media posts. Whether you're looking for funny, witty, or creative jokes, explore a variety of jokes for Instagram, Facebook, and more. Perfect for sharing some humor!
a bit of tomato sauce
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
english jokes
graveyard looks
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in
dad jokes
difference between your boyfriend
What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore.
dirty jokes
heart of the lion
My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
pun jokes
blonde went into the library
One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian replied, "This is the library." Then blonde whispered, "Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?"
blonde jokes
naked black woman
Q: What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman? A: One is on the cover of Playboy and the other is on the cover of National Geographic.
short jokes
A police officer
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
blonde jokes
Do not be racist joke
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
short jokes
a restaurant
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
dirty jokes
teenager
As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language
dirty jokes
contracts
A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"
dirty jokes
rumor about butter
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
dad jokes
crime at an Apple Store
If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness
dad jokes
Two prostitutes
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."
dirty jokes
rabbits making love
Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
dirty jokes
wear necklaces
Q: Why do Italian men wear necklaces? A: To let them know where to stop shaving.
short jokes
they're sick
Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc
dad jokes
A blonde woman decides
A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
blonde jokes
call fake noodles
What do you call fake noodles? Impastas.
pun jokes
hate facial hair
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
pun jokes
juice company
I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate
dad jokes
English teacher
I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon
dirty jokes
I couldn’t build
My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
pun jokes
Maria went home
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
dirty jokes
call a Mexican basketball
What do you call a Mexican basketball player? Mexi-cant.
short jokes
sign of inflation
What is the sign of inflation? A Volkswagen with 12 Latinos in it.
short jokes
lady with big
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
dirty jokes
redhead are running
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, "Woof woof!" The cop thinks it's a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, "Meow meow!" The cop believes it's a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, "Potato potato!"
english jokes
time-traveling joke
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it
dad jokes
girl's college
Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."
dirty jokes
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