345+ funny relationship quotes status Latest 2023

one line funny relationship quotes

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.

Romantic love❤️ is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.

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Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

I don’t see how being married could be any worse than listening to you talk for twenty years, but that still ain’t much of a recommendation for it.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

I can’t make you love❤️ me. But I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Love is sharing your popcorn.

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According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.

If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.❤️

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill & not doing it because you’d miss them!

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love. Sophie Monroe

They say true love hides behind every corner, I must be walking in circles.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. H. L. Mencken

Love is the seventh sense, which destroys all the other six senses.

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A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor

It ain’t real love ❤️if you never been blocked before.

Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.

As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. Ralphie May

Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to “Unstable”.

Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the ZIPPER.

Getting into a relationship may seem tempting, but so was getting on the Titanic and look what happened there.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

When a woman says “What?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.

Women might not be able to find their keys, hair ties, or shoes.. but they can remember something you said 8 months ago.

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

When a woman starts laughing during an argument, She’s flipped her psycho switch and is about to murder you.

When a woman says “Do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

When a boy gets jealous, it’s kinda cute. When a girl gets jealous, World War III is about to start.

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… Damn, he is one lucky man.

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My boyfriend is not allowed to hide his phone from me. As long as we’re together it’s not an iPhone, it’s a wePhone.

If my boyfriend tells me he is hanging with his female friends. I hope it’s 6 of them. So they can carry his casket.

Love me and I’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head.

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.

If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ❤️’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.

My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.

I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.